Roe V Wade was overturned yesterday and my social media feeds have been permeated with Pro-Choicers spewing arguments that are complete nonsense, whether I was a pro-lifer based in Christianity (or any religion) or a pro-lifer based in atheism. I will present those arguments and provide logical and scientific reasons why they are invalid. You may say “there is no absolute truth, truth is subjective.” If you do, you just contradicted yourself already and made a poor argument. To say definitely that no absolute truth exists, you are defining subjective truth as absolute truth…
There is a trend in psychology going around about understanding and healing your inner child. I have never understood it until today. I think a reason seasonal depression hits me, is it brings back feelings and memories that were uncomfortable or negative for younger me. I sat on social media and observed the “memories” that it had for me for today. That only exacerbated my mood. Lost friends, past failures, broken relationships, etc. Nothing changes if nothing changes, so I took action.
Today, I chose to listen to my inner child. I chose to serve my inner child. I chose to embrace my inner child.
Picture this. It is Sunday morning. You are attending your Sunday morning church service, yearning to experience God, working to deepen your knowledge of God, and aiming to deepen your relationship with God. You are in the middle of the musical worship portion of the service when people slam through the sanctuary doors with a ruckus. But it doesn’t stop there. They loudly speak to people throughout the congregation. Would you be distracted? I would be. Would it interrupt your worship? It would for me.
The Stages of Change Model is a key tool in addiction counseling and recovery. We can see the Stages of Change model active in more than just recovery from substances, but instead in any type of change we are endeavoring to make. This model even describes when the Holy Spirit starts convicting us for things in our life that are not of God.
Recently, I have encountered many Christians who say that addiction is not a disease it is purely a matter of choice and self-control. As somebody in recovery and finishing up his Masters in Addiction Counseling, I firmly say that is bologna, and can be a very dangerous and harmful thing to say.
If you’re a friend a mine, you have probably gotten a couple of texts like this recently. They may seem random, but they are not. In one word, I am crying for help. I’ll never admit to you how much I am actually struggling. This is not necessarily a pride thing, but because I feel like I am bothering you and that I am not worth your time.
This last Sunday, I made the decision to move into a sober living house with 11 other guys. It was a big move for me emotionally, spiritually, financially, and even physically. At first thought, it immediately seemed like an easy no brainer. I did not realize all that had to go into it and how humbling the experience will be.
“Get over it”
“Just be grateful”
“Did you pray?”
Have you said any of these things without first listening to your friend? When I say listening, I mean actually listening, not just hearing. When we hear our friends, we try to fix their problems with simple solutions or clichés. When we actually listen, we gave give them practical answers. Yes, there is power in prayer, but there may be another solution that you are missing because you are not listening.
Another one I have heard lately is to be more grateful. Yes, being grateful helps shape your perspective. Sometimes, not always the case and very rarely, that person is actually in a crappy situation no matter what the perspective is. They could still be grateful for what they have and just need somebody to listen to them. They don’t want a solution, they just want to know that you care enough for them to just listen.
This is where we get into what Bonhoeffer calls place sharing. I have talked about this before in ministry, but what if we do this in our relationships. We need somebody who will share our victories, but also share our pains. If you are not sharing in somebody’s pain, you are not listening to them. You are ready to put in your two cents to try to get a quick fix. Now, this does not mean that we let the person stay in the place they are, but it means we accept that their feelings are valid and their thoughts are valid.
I do this with my friends, it comes naturally to me. Lately, I’ve been going through some tough stuff and the same friends who I validate and listen to have been the people who have not listened to me. I have been put in a situation that I am not happy with that was not my causing, but is my choosing so I can continue to do the next right thing. I have tried to confide in some of my closest friends and have been irritated and disappointed with the responses. Some of my irritation comes from my expectations of how I think they should handle the situation, which is my own fault. I can’t have expectations of others.
I rarely ever lose my cool, so when I do, I know I need a meeting and to do something about my attitude. I was talking to my best friend this morning and it seemed as though she was hearing me but not listening to me. All I wanted to do was confide in a friend what I am struggling with. Instead of being met by an empathetic ear, I was met with somebody accusing me of being ungrateful. That’s not exactly what somebody needs to hear especially when you don’t listen long enough to understand and take part in their pain.
Of course my ego got in the way.
“How dare she? Does she know how I always listened to her, validate her pain, and help guide her? I always listened and the time I need her to listen she doesn’t.”
I can’t have this expectation of people. I can’t control other people. I’m still learning too. In the same way, she is probably still learning.
The point is, learn to be a place sharer, not somebody who tries to fix people’s problems. Don’t hear what I am not saying. I am not saying let them sit in their poop and marinate. I am saying validate them and love them enough to push them forward. However, it begins with listening and place-sharing.
We read throughout the Bible how God uses the weak to lead the strong and how he uses the broken to minister. Over that past couple of years, I could not see how that can be more true in my life. I was once a locally licensed pastor for the Church of the Nazarene. Through that title, I had my foot in many different ministries. I helped with Children’s ministry, I helped with Youth Ministry, I co-led the Young Adults ministry, and I was on the worship team all by the age of 22. My church life looked great. However, I was dealing with trauma that led me to depression and I made some bad choices to alleviate that pain. When I checked myself into the mental hospital, all my bad choices were exposed. The week after I got out of the mental hospital, I had my “pastor” title and license stripped away from me, and rightly so. My pastor didn’t leave my side, but he worked with me through healing until he was called on a new mission to a new church.
Feelings? How am I feeling? I don’t know what to feel in this tragic situation. I am in shock. I read a post that Pastor Greg Laurie shared on Facebook while at work and I almost dropped my phone. I guess I have all the feelings that typically follow a suicide. I am confused. I am sad. I am angry. I am in pain.
