“Hey”

If you’re a friend a mine, you have probably gotten a couple of texts like this recently. They may seem random, but they are not. In one word, I am crying for help. I’ll never admit to you how much I am actually struggling. This is not necessarily a pride thing, but because I feel like I am bothering you and that I am not worth your time.

If I get real bad, I may even call you. Again, I won’t tell you that I am struggling. Instead, I will check in on how you are doing. My way of getting out of my head is to either distract myself with a meaningless conversation or to see how I can help you. I won’t really talk about me or what I’m thinking. I don’t want to worry you. I know these thoughts will pass and I just need to get through them.

Not many people seem to respond to my text of “hey.” So, I assume they are busy, so I don’t pursue it. Then, I get even deeper in my head and feel like I even burdened them by saying that. I start overthinking as to what I did to upset them.

When I don’t get a response, I go deeper into my pit of self-loathing, self-pity, and depression. There’s nothing to help me until temptation passes. There is nothing to preoccupy my mind.

So, to the friends who respond to a “hey” text, I thank you. You may have saved me from a bad decision and not known it, just by being a friend.

I’m not sure who else does this, but because I know how I am, I always respond to a text message or call a friend back. I know what it’s like to feel alone and just need some kind of interaction.