A journey through recovery from bipolar depression is like surfing on the ocean. There are waves and seasons in life. Sometimes the waves seem higher than you can manage. Sometimes there are no waves and you are just wading in the water. You have to learn how to surf and manage those waves. When you are in the midst of a wave that seems like a juggernaut, your depression starts talking, and talking loudly. It tells you that you are unlovable, a screw up, worthless, and more. Your reality becomes a distorted perspective of reality. Here are some lies my depression tells me when I am surfing a large wave that seems to have no end.
1. You won’t make it through this time
Depression is something that I have struggled with since at least 6th grade, maybe even sooner. It is all I can remember. Each time I have gone through a depressive episode, I have made it through it. It seems like when it comes back, that it comes back stronger than ever. My depression tells me I can’t make it through it this time.
2. It is only a matter of time
Depression tells me that I am living on borrowed time. It is only a matter of time before I cave in and take my life. If this celebrity who has been struggling with it can’t make it through, then how can I expect myself to overcome this depression.
3. You’ve gotten all the help you can
Since Junior year of high school, I have been getting therapy and counseling to manage my depression. In college, I started taking medication for my depression. After I graduated from my undergraduate program, I checked myself into the mental hospital because of suicidal thoughts. Up to this point, I have gotten all the help I can get. Nothing anybody tells me now is going to change anything.
4. You are permanently messed up
This lie plays into the other lies. You are permanently messed up. This depression will keep coming back and get worse over time. You cannot make it through it because you are permanently messed it. It will always come back so it is only a matter of time before it wins. You have tried fighting back by getting help, but it continues to come back. You will never beat it. You may assuage it temporarily, but it will always come back.
The Truth
The truth is, this episode too shall pass. These thoughts in your head are from the enemy, your depression. There are some thing you need to be reminded of and maybe some new things for you to learn on how to cope with your depression. Be transparent about your struggles with your friends and family and go seek professional help. You are not permanently messed up. You depression may not go away, but you can learn to manage it, so that you can authentically enjoy life and love yourself. Those lies in your head will become quieter as you learn to ignore them over time.